“Welcome to the annual race of races! The race that separates the men from the boys! The Hell Cup!” The announcer screams and he, literally, smiles from ear to ear, exposing his razor blade teeth. “This is your announcer Eugene Vile! Now, let’s set some ground rules. The person to make it past the finish line, first, wins. Second, no killing, torturing, evil schemes, or cheating.” As he spits the words from his mouth the audience goes silent. “JUST KIDDING!” Eugene exclaims. “Please contribute to as much gore and evil as you can.” The audience of savages, demons, and gore lovers cheer with all their might.
“The lineup cannot get any better this year. First up we have the one, the only, Death!”
Death waves from his spiked and blood covered SUV. He was a sight to see as the rams head helmet he was wearing was still fresh and oozing.
“Hello everyone.” Death says with a charming snarl.
“Next, we have the creepiest, child beloved, creature on the earth, the Tooth Fairy!”
The Tooth Fairy rises upon a throne of teeth. He is thin and grey in color. His dark circles weigh down his face. He silently waves to the crown smiling with his mouth full of children’s teeth.
“Third and fourth, we have two of the seven sins! Pride and Wrath!”
“Lastly we can welcome, Empusa and Lamiai, let’s hope these dead chicks don’t eat your flesh!”
These two ladies were truly demonic– Lamia has the tail of a serpent in place of legs, while Empousa has flaming hair and two mismatched legs, one of brass, one of a donkey. They quickly turned into gorgeous women. The crowd roared.
“Everyone start your engines! We shall go on my mark! READY! SET! GO!” Eugene screamed.
Everyone sped off into the open desert. The sand and dirt hitting anything behind them. Death was in the lead, Pride second, the two ladies third, Wrath next, and lastly the Tooth Fairy.
“Agghhh! I’m always in the freaking back! I’ll show them!” Wrath growled. He hit the gas as hard as he could going from 90 to 100, to 120 at an alarming rate. At about 210 he was neck and neck with Death.
“Garth”, Death says to one of his reapers.
“Yes, sir?” Garth replies.
“Do you see that punk trying to pass me? Show him what we are made of.”
Garth leans over and grabs Wrath’s car with his scythe. He climbs on top of the scythe and into the car.
“What are you doing in my car?” screams Wrath.
At that moment Garth grabs a glass bottle and breaks it. He takes a long piece and looks to Wrath and calmly says, “Boss’s orders.” Garth takes the shard and carves into Wrath’s stomach, spilling everything into the floorboard. Wrath’s feet get tangled in the mess and start to lose control. Garth jumps onto the roof and back to Death’s SUV. They watch as Wrath crashes into the side.
“Oh! The first out! Our friend Garth really knows how to get ‘em,” says Eugene.
Meanwhile Pride takes the attack on his brother personally. Too proud to let this be a blow to his family’s reputation. Pride adjusts the tie on his suit and decides he needs to get to business. He sees Garth has already targeted him and will be coming soon. Pride comes up with a plan, since he is so smart. He hears Garth on his roof, ripping the metal up. He slides into the passenger seat.
“I was hoping you would do that.” Pride snarls while slamming his big red button.
Garth flies out of the car and into the sky. He finally lands in the hard ground. He sees the Tooth Fairy charging at him. He lays as flat as he can as the truck passes over him, then he quickly grabs the bumper. Using his scythe he climbs into the bed of the truck, it is full of teeth.
“I guess this sucker’s head will have to do,” Garth sighs.
As he walks to the front something grabs him. The Tooth Fairy spotted him. He made giant creatures out of teeth, come alive.
“Looks like Garth has gotten himself into some trouble! The girls are making their way to the top. They may steal death’s place while Garth is playing around,” Eugene criticises.
“Bite me, Eugene,” Garth says under his breath.
Garth punches one monster and knocks down the other, he is trying his hardest to take the teeth monsters down, yet they reform every time. He cuts one in half and it grows back. They grab Garth and hold him down. They start spitting teeth down his throat. As he thinks that this might be it. He may die with a stomach full of teeth. The truck crashes. The monsters go flying and so does Garth. Garth gets up and runs over to the truck. He pulls out the Tooth Fairy. He grabs his heavy dark circles, then rips out his eyes all together. He violently vomits teeth into the empty sockets.
“Super savage! Can you believe what we have seen here today?” Eugene applauds, the crowd cheers for Garth!
Garth doesn’t let that slow him down. He has a job to do. He looks at the race, the cars are far away now. Pride and The Demonic Ladies are side by side behind Death. Garth gets into the crashed truck. It barely starts and cannot go very fast. He puts a brick on the gas and climbs out the window. He stands on the front bumper and opens the damaged hood.
“No wonder he was in last! This is full of teeth! Freak.”
Garth flings all the teeth out that he can so he can try to see some of the damage. He grabs some tools from his pocket and goes to work. He finally gets it close to satisfactory. He carefully walks around and gets back in the truck. He is now able to speed up and get close to Pride and the Ladies. Garth once again climbs out the window, this time on the roof. He throws a brick onto the brake, launching him onto the Ladies’ car in front. Pride cannot stand the sight of Garth and rams into the side of the car. Garth falls a little, and jumps to Pride’s car.
“Say hello to your brother for me!” Garth laughs as he climbs under the car and rips anything and everything out.
Pride’s car can no longer run and stops abruptly. This causes Pride to be thrown out the window and on the ground. Garth rolls from out under the car, pushing it forward and running over Pride. As Garth thinks of his next move he hears Eugene scream, “Finish!” Death has finished the race. Garth ran up to where Death’s car was.
The door opened and Death said, “Where have you been? You missed everything. I could have really used you up here.” Garth smiled and apologized.
“Death is this year’s Hell Cup winner! So death, how does your 100 year streak feel?” Eugene asked.
“Good. I’m just glad Garth was here for the most part and that I’m such a good driver.” Death replied.
Garth rolled his eyes and heard someone yell his name. The ladies were calling him over. “Hey Garth! We saw you out there! Would you like to go on a date? We promise not to eat much of your flesh!” the girls yelled.